It occurs to me suddenly, that I was never the one walking down the aisle. I was always the one watching. Waiting. (..anti-ci-pating, say it ain’t so…)

It occurs to me that nothing was ever right when I was the soft one. And this does not make me masculine or ‘the boy’ or anything other than what I have always been (and I am definitely a mother, not a father. a daughter, not a son).

It just happens that it will be me that asks, rather than is asked. And that is why I have never been asked.

And it happens that I will wait, rather than come.

And it happens that on the best day of my life, she will walk down to me and say she will forever be with me and I will be more proud and more in love than in any other moment leading up to that, and that is honestly the natural path of things – the ‘of course I never imagined otherwise’ path of things.

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